Marriage is a lifelong journey, a path you and your spouse will walk together through every season of life. The foundation you lay before you say “I do” will greatly determine whether that journey is marked by blessing or hardship. As you consider this significant step, there are two crucial questions you need to ask. These questions go beyond mere compatibility; they are about the spiritual and practical alignment that underpins a strong Christian marriage.
As you reflect on these questions, take the time to answer them with honesty and prayerful consideration. It’s easy to be swept up in the emotions of love, but a lasting marriage requires more than feelings—it requires a shared commitment to Christ and a unified vision for your life together.
Question #1: Do I Have the Right Travel Companion?
In 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, the Apostle Paul provides wisdom that is vital for marriage:
"Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God."
Marriage is not just a romantic partnership; it is a spiritual covenant. God’s design for marriage is that it be a union between two believers who are equally committed to following Christ. Being “unequally yoked” with someone who does not share your faith will introduce profound challenges into your marriage. The journey of marriage is difficult enough without the added burden of spiritual disunity.
But how can you be sure your partner is a believer? While only God knows the heart, there are signs that can give you confidence in their faith. Here are some questions to consider:
- Do they profess faith in Christ with a credible testimony?
- Was their commitment to Christ evident before your relationship began?
- Do they demonstrate obedience to God’s Word, particularly in areas like sexual purity?
- Are spiritual disciplines like prayer, Bible reading, and fellowship a regular part of their life?
- Do they seek relationships that encourage their spiritual growth?
- Are they quick to repent and seek forgiveness when they sin?
If you have doubts about your partner’s faith, it’s wise to take a step back and seek clarity. Marriage is a lifelong covenant, and entering it with someone who is not equally yoked in faith can lead to struggles that might otherwise be avoided. A shared faith in Christ is the cornerstone of a Christian marriage and should be treated with utmost seriousness.
Question #2: Are We Following the Same Roadmap?
Amos 3:3 asks, “Do two walk together, unless they have agreed to meet?” The imagery here is clear: a successful journey requires agreement on the destination and the path to get there. This is as true in marriage as it is in any other area of life.
Too often, couples rush into marriage without thoroughly discussing the roadmap they intend to follow. Assumptions about roles, responsibilities, and life goals can lead to significant conflict if they aren’t addressed beforehand. To prevent this, consider discussing the following areas:
Church and Spiritual Life
- How often will we attend church, and how involved will we be?
- Will we engage in regular family devotions and prayer together?
- How will we choose which church to attend?
Roles of Husband and Wife
- What does biblical leadership look like in our marriage?
- How do we understand and practice the concepts of leadership and submission?
- How will we make decisions when we disagree?
Money and Budgeting
- Should Christians have prenuptial agreements?
- Will we have joint or separate bank accounts?
- What are our views on debt and financial stewardship?
Raising Children
- How many children do we hope to have, and what will our parenting style be?
- How will we discipline our children, and what educational path will we choose for them?
Chores and Household Responsibilities
- How will we divide household chores and responsibilities?
- What are our expectations regarding the upkeep of our home?
Sex and Romance
- How will we maintain physical intimacy and emotional closeness over the years?
- What boundaries will we establish to honor each other in this area?
Career
- Will both of us work, or will one of us stay home?
- How will we balance work, family, and ministry commitments?
Relationships and In-Laws
- How will we relate to people of the opposite sex after we are married?
- What boundaries will we set with our families to protect our marriage?
These questions are not just theoretical; they are deeply practical and have clear implications for your life together. As you discuss them with your potential spouse, measure their responses against the truth of Scripture. If you find that your roadmaps diverge significantly—especially on core biblical principles—this is a warning sign that needs to be addressed before moving forward.
A strong marriage is built on a shared commitment to God’s Word as your ultimate guide. If one of you is committed to following the Bible and the other is influenced more by cultural norms, this will create tension that can undermine your relationship over time.